Lately I have been thinking about the phrase "everything but the kitchen sink." It's a common phrase that means that you have included nearly everything possible, except for the kitchen sink. When I was little there was a drink called "The Kitchen Sink" and to make it you would go to a soda fountain machine and put a little bit of every type of soda in your cup. It was disgusting, but when you were 8 it was magical to have all those different kind of sodas, really just to be allowed to drink soda was a miracle.
When we bought our first home I loved absolutely everything about it.... but the kitchen sink. The sink was horrible. It was your basic sink that most houses are built with but this one had been scratched up and needed to be replaced. It was clear that this sink had seen many different meals and parties and had been used throughly. However, it was also clear that it needed to be replaced. At least it was clear to me. To Kyle it was a sink. It had running water and could be used to wash the dishes so why did it need to be replaced? It took me a full year of living in the house before he finally broke down and bought me a new kitchen sink for my birthday in May. I was so excited to finally replace that old, battered sink. However, in June we found out that I had cancer so that beautiful new kitchen sink sat untouched in the garage for another six months until we finally had the time to put it in. And let me just say that the new sink looks amazing. It gives us so much room and looks so much nicer, but in a way Kyle was right. This new sink still has running water and is still used to wash the dishes. It showed me that not everything needed to be nice and pretty if it works sometimes that is the best thing. Right now we are in the "everything but the kitchen sink" phase of my treatment. We are trying literally everything possible to get rid of the cancer. We completed 5 rounds of chemo which was loads of fun. I've a surgery to try and remove the cancer. Then I went in for the stem cell transplant and got to spend many great days in the hospital. However, after all that we were disappointed to find out in January that I still have a small tumor on my colon that they are concerned about. We were hoping for a clear PET scan after the stem cell transplant but unfortunately that was not the case. However, it was not all bad news. The cancer is centralized to where the previous tumor was, meaning that it was most likely leftover from the surgery and not a whole new tumor that formed. We also thank God that there is only one tumor we are focusing on not 7 or 8. The doctors all agree that the next step in the process was to go through radiation in order to shrink the tumor and get rid of every last cancer cell. So far, radiation has been going well. I started the process in the beginning of February and I go into the hospital every day for about 30 minutes. They put me in this crazy machine that spins around and emits radiation beams to the general area where my cancer has been before. This area is pretty large and includes pretty much my entire pelvis area since I have had tumors along my colon and lymph nodes. After I lay in the bed for a little while I get to go home and rest. The whole process is honestly pretty boring and painless. I thought you would feel something when you were getting the radiation beams but really you can't feel anything. I am also grateful that they are letting me do radiation out at the hospital that is only 10 minutes from my house so I don't have to drive all the way downtown and back every single day. Overall I have been most grateful that this process allows me to be at home for most of the time. I really have grown to appreciate the little things that are comforts, like sleeping in your own bed and being able to make your own meals. I have also enjoyed getting to spend my days at home with Kyle and Luna. :) Throughout the radiation process I have mainly been feeling OK. I may not be able to feel the radiation beams but I do feel like my energy has been zapped every time I go in for treatment. Since they are also radiating a big portion of my bowels I have been having some side effects from that. I go in for treatment every week day and by Friday I am pretty much drop dead exhausted. It is nice to have the weekend to recover and not have any treatment but then I go back again and start all over the next week. After three and half weeks we finally were able to see some progress and the doctor told us that the tumor is shrinking! He did say he thinks that it will continue to shrink throughout the rest of the process but there will most likely be some tumor that remains at the end. When I finish radiation at the end of march we will evaluate if the next step is going to be surgery to remove whats left or if we will try some sort of oral drug to help stop the disease from spreading. We are staying hopeful in this process. We are keeping our hopes up that this process will work and there will be no remaining cancer left. However, we know that this process is mainly in God's hand. We have started to plan for the future a little bit. I plan to go back to school next fall and have started to take some classes online to keep me occupied during the day. We have also been trying to schedule some trips to make the most of this time that Kyle and I have together. It is nice to get back into the swing of normal life, but there is always the worry in the back of my head that things could take a turn for the worse. We have come a long way in this process and all that we can do is pray that we are nearing the end. Throughout this whole journey I have realized that even if things don't go my way that I will be at peace in the hands of God. I recently learned that another girl who had my same type of cancer passed away from the disease. She was younger than I am, and had so much life ahead of her. Kyle and I both wept for her and her family's loss for several days. It really hit home for us that there were other people out there that are fighting the same battle as we were, and sometimes the outcome isn't what you want. I had a weird sense of peace knowing that she was not in pain anymore and was in heaven with God where she had no more sickness. However, hearing her story made me want to hold on to life even more. I have know the suffering and pain and loss that comes with having cancer but I have also been able to known the goodness of life. I cherish the little things that I experience every day that remind me that I am alive and breathing today. More than that I have been able to feel the love of God. I am constantly reminded that he saved us from the dark sin within us, and now challenges me to live life in a new way for him. I have learned to never underestimate the capacity fo the human body and to never underestimate the power of God.
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AuthorMy name is Kimber Graham and I have 25 years old. I am a second grade teacher, been married for a year, and have a six month old puppy named Luna. Oh and I have ovarian cancer. This blog is used to document my journey through this time. It may not be perfect but it is honest. Archives
February 2020
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