I have to be honest. I have been avoiding writing this blog post. It's been about 2 months since my last blog post so I figured it was about time to update everyone on how the progress has been. To be candid it hasn't been an easy time for me and my family. It's been nearly impossible to think of writing about everything that has happened. Even now writing these words are tough and it is bringing me to tears to try and explain what has been happening since I don't even understand myself. Even so, I know I need the love and support of everyone. Sometimes when I don't feel like I can go on I think of all the people who are routing for me and it helps tremendously. I owe it to you all to update you on what's happening so that I can continue to receive the support I desperately need right now. Back in October we thought we were on the upward swing of things. My scans were clear, my cancer levels were down and I thought that I could see the finish line. However, looking back now I can see how naive it was to think this, but I was able to spend much of October enjoying my time with my family and friends. We traveled to Florida and I was able to walk on the beach and go to Disney World (something I have been wanting to do for a long time). I was also able to go up and surprise my family is Wisconsin and also had family come down to visit me. We spent some time down on the lake in Branson Missouri, and I felt relaxed and ready to take on the next step in my treatment. Then on November 4th I had a PET scan done. The results didn't come back as we hoped. There were two spots that my oncologist was worried about on the scan, but there was a possibility that it could be cancer that was dying because of the chemo. So we went into an exploratory surgery on November 8th. There they confirmed what we had been dreading. The spots were not only cancer, but active cancer. This was more than what they were hoping to see after four rounds of chemo. I spent a week in the hospital recovering from the surgery. It was a hard week on all of us. I was on a lot of pain medicine and honestly I don't remember the first half of the week. There were lots of people who came to visit me and I can barely remember them being there. I also was dealing with a much larger incision than I was after the first surgery. The doctors ended up having to open me completely up from my chest down. They removed a lymph node that had visible cancer on it and also resected about a foot of my colon that had spots of cancer on it as well. The recovery from this was rough and I am still dealing with side effects of the colon resection. After a week I was released from the hospital and we were left with a feeling of defeat and struggling with what to do next. Our oncologist was honest with us and told us he wasn't even sure what the next step should be. Since they had found active cancer they weren't sure that a stem cell transplant was the right thing to do. He told us that it seemed as thought the chemo wasn't working as effectively as we had hoped it would. I left his office that day feeling completely defeated. I felt as though I was right back to where I was in June. Recovering from surgery and not knowing what the next step in the process would be. In this family we don't take things laying down. So with everyones help we dove into the deep end researching different doctors who have seen more of my type of cancer. We set up appointments to meet with doctors in Cincinnati, New York, and Houston. Right before thanksgiving we traveled to Cincinnati to visit with Dr. Pressey. He worked at a children's hospital there but had seen a lot more cases like mine and hopefully could tell us the next step. While there we were relieved to find out that in cases like mine its not unusual to find cancer during the exploratory surgery. Additionally, they believed that since the doctor cut the remaining cancer out during the surgery they thought that I was in enough remission that the next step should be a stem cell transplant. They confirmed that the chemo didn't work enough to completely clear out my cancer. It did keep my disease at a stable condition though. They believed that the cancer they found at the second look surgery was not a lot of new cancer growth. They thought this could have been there all along without us knowing. This meant that although the chemo didn't kill the cancer, it wasn't allowing it to grow any further. This was good news, however they also said that since it had been almost a month since my last round of chemotherapy, they thought I should have another round while waiting for a spot to open up for a transplant. This meant that when I returned home I would get to spend Thanksgiving at home but then would check into the hospital the next day for my fifth round of chemo. So once again the plan was changed. We canceled our visits to the other doctors but we were able to talk with some of them to confirm that they also wanted us to proceed with the stem cell transplant. Then we started the process of getting in line for the next spot available for the transplant. This proved to be harder than we thought. There is a lot of red tape that you have to go through in order to be approved for a transplant. We had to fight with insurance agencies, fight to get appointments with the right doctors, all while I was fighting through my fifth round of chemo. And let me tell you that the more chemo you get the harder it is to bounce back. I was incredibly tired all the time, and it wasn't the type of tired where you can just sleep it off. I was too tired to even sleep. Then the lack of sleep made the whole problem worse! It was a long week but eventually we pulled through and got things set up for me to go into the hospital on December 14th. That meant that I would be spending Christmas and New Years in the hospital. It wasn't easy to hear that news. I knew this was going to be incredibly hard on Kyle and I. We planned it out so that while I would be in the hospital Kyle would be staying in a hotel downtown to be closer to me. This meant that both of us would be without our dog, Luna, for a very long time. This was the hardest part to swallow but we knew this was the next right step for us to do in order to carry on. Just as I was dealing with the fact that I would be going in for stem cell on the 14th the plan was changed yet again. I went to visit my doctor before to confirm the plan and learn more of what to expect going forward. At that appointment they drew blood and found that my platelet count was dangerously low. This was due to my most recent round of chemo which wiped out my red and white blood cells. Usually this isn’t a big deal, the numbers usually bounce back in time for my next round of treatment, but because of the stem cell transplant I needed to get a central line put in. This is a minor surgery where they place a line in my veins so that I don’t have to have an IV in the hospital. I already have a port that does something similar but for the transplant they needed one that was wider so that the stem cells weren’t broken when they go into my body. Because my platelets were so low they were worried about me bleeding out during the surgery. Therefore they pushed my transplant by another week. This means the plan is now for me to go in on the 21st of December. However this could still be changed because of my platelet numbers this week. Once again we are in a limbo. Waiting is the absolute worst. I feel like I never know exactly what each of my days will look like. However, I am also not disappointed that I get another week to spend at home. Kyle and I agreed that we would make the most of this week and fit the most Christmas activities as possible. We have already decorated cookies, went to see Christmas lights, finished our Christmas shopping, and even took Luna to see Santa. In the week ahead we are doing our celebrations with our family early so that we still experience the feeling of Christmas. If there is anything that I have learned from the last six months it’s that you have to make the best of each and every day. I am so thankful that I have gotten the time I've had with my family. These past six months have been absolute hell, and I still can’t believe this is happening to me. However, this experience has brought me and Kyle much closer. Granted there’s days where we act more like each other’s caretakers than husband and wife, but there’s also days where we can’t bear to be apart for longer than 15 minutes. Every day I wake up thankful for another day that I get to spend with him and my family. I know that even if this disease ends up taking me that I have made the most of every day. I have spent the last few months appreciating the little things in life and loving the people who mean the most to me. Ive attached some pictures to this post to highlight some of the things I have done these past months to keep my spirits up. Now, going forward it’s going to be hard to always update the blog. The 4 to 6 weeks I will spend in the hospital without much energy. During this time we would really appreciate positive thoughts and prayers. It’s not just me that will be living out of the hospital. I know Kyle will spend most of the nights sleeping next to my bed and my family will make the drive down to see me every day. This time will be hard on all of us. I hate to ask for anything but I know people would love to help in some way. Throughout this whole process I have loved to get cards. They bring a lot of brightness to the mail that is usually filled with bills and disability checks. So if you would like to feel free to send a card that I can keep while I’m in the hospital. So far I have kept every single card that has been sent to me. I keep them in a large box and when I am feeling down I get the box out and look over the cards. Its something small but it keeps me motivated when times are tough. Going forward I am going to need to hold on tightly to those things to keep me going. I plan to update the blog again after I am home from stem cell. Instead of updating my blog I plan to document more of my story through my Instagram. You can look me up and follow me at Kimberlynhope. I’m hoping to keep everyone updated with my progress.
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AuthorMy name is Kimber Graham and I have 25 years old. I am a second grade teacher, been married for a year, and have a six month old puppy named Luna. Oh and I have ovarian cancer. This blog is used to document my journey through this time. It may not be perfect but it is honest. Archives
February 2020
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