It has been 9 days since I have heard the words "You have cancer" and since then it hasn't exactly set in. I have to admit that before all this I used to think that if I ever had a major disease that it would be a lot more dramatic. I pictured how my family would scream and cry and hold my hand and tell me everything would be alright. In reality that was not how it happened.
When I heard the news I was sitting in a hospital room, having just had major surgery, I was surrounded by my family, and they were in fact holding my hand, but when the doctor said those words "You have cancer" I swear they didn't even flinch. It took me a moment to react and I had to clarify again that I did indeed have cancer and I wasn't just hallucinating on the drugs. I asked the doctor probably two more times "So your saying I have cancer?" "You're sure that this is cancer?" Both times he answered yes and both times there was no weeping or dramatic music playing in the background. I wanted to scream at them "Didn't you hear what the doctor just said? I have cancer! Cancer! You could at least act surprised!" But I didn't. I just sat there like the good little patient I was and pretended to listen as the doctor laid out what was going to happen over the next week. At one point during the conversation it hit me. My family already knew this before the doctor had walked in the door that morning. See the night before I was rushed into emergency surgery for a large ovarian cyst, after the surgery the surgeon informed my family of my diagnosis. However, since it was late at night and I was already out of it he told them to wait until the next day to tell me the harsh reality of the situation. I can't even imagine how hard it was to know this information and keep it a secret from me. Especially since the first question I asked them when I woke up was "Was it cancerous?" Thinking back on it now I understand their decision to wait to tell me the whole truth. Even with it being the morning after the surgery I still struggled to understand my prognosis. How could I, a healthy 25 year old, have cancer? Well it turns out its not as uncommon as you think. The past few months I had been having severe abdominal pain. After being bounced from doctor to doctor, ER to ER, and having numerous blood tests, one smart doctor finally recommended that I have an ultrasound done. Low and behold I had a large ovarian mass on my right ovary. Of course once I went to my OBGYN she told me that she would only operate if the cyst was 10 cm large. Want to guess how big my lovely cyst was at the time? Yup, 9.5 cm. So there was nothing I could do. I left her office with the advice of waiting for six weeks to see if the pain would go away on its own. However, I could barely even get through a day without taking half a bottle of Advil and practically wearing my heating pad around the house. There was a voice in the back of my head telling me to get a second opinion. The second doctor gave me a lot more hope. She admitted the fact that it wasn't going to go away on it's own and she said she would contact me to schedule the surgery. I left her office feeling much better supported and like we had a handle on the situation. Then I got the scheduling call, the first available date they could schedule me? 4 weeks away. I was shocked but I took the date anyway feeling relieved that I would at least have the pain taken away. However, as soon as I hung up the phone I immediately felt an overwhelming sense of panic. Four more weeks of this pain. How was I about to stomach that. Again I felt defeated by the medical system and felt as if no one would ever understand the pain and discomfort I was in. About three days after scheduling the surgery I was out to lunch with my dad and sister. As usual I told them about the pain I was experiencing that day and my dad told me that he was going to call the doctor immediately to see if he could get a better answer. I was mortified. Here I was a married, twenty five year old having her daddy call her doctor because she was too scared. My father has always had the "bull in a china shop" mentality when it came to waiting. He seemed to think that if you put enough pressure on anything you can get a better answer. I however would rather run and hide than tell someone that I was unhappy with what they were telling me. Looking back now I can say that phone call saved my life. Immediately my doctor told me I should not be experiencing that much pain and should go to an ER immediately. When we arrived they did another scan of my cyst to find that it had grown from 9 cm to 13 cm in two weeks. Immediately I was transferred to a bigger hospital, where I was told the oncologist would likely remove the cyst as well as my ovary. They told me there was a risk of the mass being cancerous but I was more concerned with the size of the scar that this would leave on my body. Within a few hours of being at the hospital I was undergoing surgery where they did find the mass to be cancerous, they did remove my ovary, and they did leave a large scar. Never in a million years did I think this would be the situation I am in. All I can say at this time is that if you think there is something wrong SPEAK UP. If no one is listening to you SPEAK LOUDER. Don't be afraid to take charge of your own medical needs. If a doctor isn't listening to you fully, go to another one. If I wouldn't have listened to my dad that day I would have had to live with cancer unknowingly for another few weeks. Luckily for me they found it in time to keep it from spreading to my lymph nodes and other areas. However, if I would have waited my turn in line for surgery, who knows what they would have found. My journey is not over. Even though the cancer is technically out, I still have a chance it could have left behind cells that will soon multiply and attack my body again. I plan to keep you updated on my journey and I hope that you can learn from my story and be an advocate for yourself and speak up if you know that there is something wrong with your body.
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AuthorMy name is Kimber Graham and I have 25 years old. I am a second grade teacher, been married for a year, and have a six month old puppy named Luna. Oh and I have ovarian cancer. This blog is used to document my journey through this time. It may not be perfect but it is honest. Archives
February 2020
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